officially shit

okay I'am shit but I promise and update this week. What with redundancy, new job, keeping fit and life it all got in the way........but promises, promises (ala Lady Gaga) I will return!!!!!!

such a sucker for a final girl

Finally.

Presenting the trio of ladies from the upcoming Halloween II!




Looking good. Loving the toughened up Laurie Strode. Movie will be badass!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Okay, I was fairly excited about this but now that I see the trailer I'm feeling a little meh.



But hey, the return of Juno is cool. But the overwhelming feeling of meh is there....maybe I'm having a bad day.

This is why X-MEN rock!!!!

Peter David's X-Factor, 45 - an X-Men related title has mainstream comic books first gay kiss between Rictor and Shatterstar.

The series has dropped hints at their relationship before, the panel confirms their deeper feelings, and David is quick to reassure that "no, it’s not a fake out. A number of people seem to be concerned that Star is still under Cortex’s control. Or that Rictor is going to freak out the next panel and say, 'Dude, what the hell?' That would be cheap. I don’t do cheap. Okay, sometimes I do, but not this time. I’m not interested in having people say, 'Peter David introduced this and then chickened out.'"

This is cool! Makes me happy to be a comic book nerd, an X-Men fan and a homo!

"What happened to Rosemary??????"

Many many cool things happened over the weekend for me! I refuse to talk about Michael Jackson as I frankly thing it now done and dusted and I couldn't care less for the man when he was alive and equally now that he is dead......

Besides, so I had a 3 day weekend and Friday was cool and chilled, slept in, chiiled, went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen at the imax (it was very good). Saturday, went to gym, went for a wander, had japanese for dinner then went to the Italian weekend of terror at the GFT to see Fulci's House by the Cemetary. Which was great to see on the big screen as I do find it one of Fulci's best.

Sunday.....went to the gym. Tried a Bento box for the first time.......amazing! Then went to the second day of italian horror. This time round Ruggero Deodato's Cut and Run and Lamberto Bava's Macabre. I have seen these movies many times and again it was great to see them on the big screen but what made the best part is that Ruggero Deodato and Lamberto Bava were actually there to do a Q & A, which was amazing. Both unlike what you would think and were actually quite quiet, humble and gentle men. Deodato wasn't afraid to be frank and honest about this actors, moreso his distaste for American actors. I mean just being near the guy who created the infamous Cannibal Holocaust was cool and led to a humiliating moment when my pen would work when I asked him to sign my dvd and Lamberto Bava looked so happy to see people enjoying his film. I mean this was the man who directed fucking Demons.........a movie that totally shaped my childhood and later when Mark and I asked if we could get our picture taken with him was so nice and shook MY hand and told me he was pleased to meet me......not the other way around which it should have been.

So I now own a signed copies of Cannibal Holocaust, Cut and Run, Demons and Shock! Result. So a grand weekend of Japanese food, italian horror and time with the dude..... bliss.


Mark and I with Lamberto Bava


Mark and I with Ruggero Deodato

Michael Myers is D.E.A.D!!!!!!!

Oh my god......anytime my excitement for this movie slightly dies down, they release more footage.

This looks so god-damn good. I genuinely cannot wait and all of those Rob Zombie Halloween remake haters can go fuck themselves in the ass and fucking watch their copies of the Prom Night remake on a loop. They wouldn't know horror even if it had Dame Jamie Lee Curtis in it or not!!! Point made!

Behold!!!!

Putting the the in THE

Hmmmm not sure. Hated the first one, liked the second, LOVED the third....Maybe I'll adore this one. Escalator death ride does look fun though!

"Hey Honey you gotta sister?"

Yay! It's the weekend, and as from 4pm I have 3 days off and also weirdly timed I have the next 3 Friday the 13th Deluxe Editions arrive in the post a week and a half before release date! Yay! Finally a chance to watch The Final Chapter in 5.1 surround and also see the infamous lost ending! Double Yay!!!!







Speaking of heard on Fridaythe13thfilms.com that the killer cut of the remake isn't that exciting. But hey, I'll wait to judge!

The road leads to nowhere

As I said last week I wanted to rewatch The Last House on the Left before the remake comes out this friday. Managed to finally get down to it last night, which was a strange toss up between that or Slumdog Millionaire (if you can pick 2 more films that conflict with each other you win a prize).



Now I haven't watched The Last House on the Left for a while. I remeber being about 15/16 years old and there was amazing shop in Glasgow called Collectavision, basically if you slipped them a £5 you got your own copy of films that were hard to find or banned at that time. So I remember paying them £20 and I got The Last House on the Left, My Bloody Valentine, Black Christmas and I Drink your Blood. I had seen all the others but I hadn't seen The Last House on the Left. That night I watched it, well I got 20 mins into it and switched it off. I remember thinking it was hokey and badly made. A couple of days later I rewatched it and was pretty much blown away by it, but it had made me feel kinda hollow. I was glad I went beyond the first 20 mins as it get less "Russ Meyersie" and more brutal, not that I'm saying thats what I wanted to see but the tone of the film changed into something that's completely different from it's campy opening.



I totally appriciate the psychology of the film and I think its very much a film of it's time and I think it has the same deep down message that Texas Chainsaw Massacre does (America destroying it own youth) but it does it in a less subtle way. Watching it now I love how the tone changes back and forth between out and out nastiness (rape, murder, guts getting pulled out) to complete slapstick (bumbling cops, chicken coops, cake decorating), it can be a jarring expirience as it crosses over in a way thats like watching 2 films. Also forgot how amazing the music is in the film and had to download the soundtrack straight after.




I know everyone talks about the scene that the killers seems to find remorse in what they have done but it is such a good scene, very powerful. It's rawness is something that I love and miss sometimes. This, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Pink Flamingos have the same vibe. Just this raw creativity behind them. And the thing about Wes Craven, I mean I do like his movies. But for every good one, you get like 12 bad ones. For every Last House, The Hills Have Eyes, Nightmare on Elm Street, Scream, Red Eye there is a Hills Have Eyes 2, Deadly Friend, Shocker, Vampire in Brooklyn, Cursed. He can be way to inconsistant. He doesn't respond well to a budget! Like alot of horror directors.

So I'm actually looking forward to the remake as I think it is going to take all the flaws from the original and keep it gritty, nasty and smart. Well I did say I hope

"Don't fuck with the fish from hell!".......Part 2

Okay......I have babbled on about how excited I'am about the Piranha reboot. Alexandre Aja, Elizabeth Shue, Vanessa from Gossip Girl, it's in 3D! The list could go on......... so add this set picture to my "Why Piranha is going to fucking rock list"



And by the by that's Kelly Brook with a mangled gnawed face. Why does that make me happy!

Shin Splinters

This made me piss myself laughing.

the more I see.....the more I want to pee!

I really cannot wait till August for 2 reasons.

1/ I should hopefully have reached my weight goal!

2/ This.........



Really really gleefully excited about both!

"meh meh Freddy's coming for meh!"

Over at JoBlo they have posted the first image of a pre-burned Freddy Kruger from the remake of A Nightmare on Elm St.



I'm all a bit meh about this. I mean I like A Nightmare on Elm St and I always have but it wasn't Friday the 13th or Halloween ( I do realise both remakes of these were a bit meh but it was good to see them back) to me when I was a kid and Freddy became stale very very quickly. And dude what's with the jokes....just fucking kill them. Though I must admit as I have gotten older and dare I say it gayer. Cannot help but love Nancy's lush of a mother Marge. She is totally Mommy Dearest......vodka in the linen cupboard....fucking brilliant!



Heart her!!!

.....wwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttccccccccchhhhhhh

Guess what I'm seeing in the cinema tonight???



and I cannot wait!!!

..........toooooo excited!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen. Here is the first footage from Rob Zombie's Halloween sequel H2.

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

Pee my self excited! He is using an effing axe!

Speaking of which........

Gonna watch Last House on the Left this week. Been a while since I watched it and I want to see it again before the remake is out. Review will be up in a couple of days. Feel free to watch it yourselves and comment!

"Maybe we're at war with Norway?"

It is very rare that I can go into a dvd shop, read the back of a dvd cover and actually buy it instead of saying "one to download". This such rarity happened to me on Saturday. I picked up a Norwegian movie called "Manhunt" (aka Rovdyr). The blurb on the back sold it to me and sold it to me good and I have alot faith in Norwegian horror thanks to Fritt Vilt 1 & 2 (aka Cold Prey) so my saturday night seemed set.

The plot of Manhunt is simple, it's 1974 in Norway and four 20-somethings Roger, his girlfriend Camilla, her friend Mia and her brother Jorgen are all travelling in the countryside in a camper van. They stop at a gas station and they meet the unfriendly locals and meet a very nervous girl who asks them for a lift. They get followed by another car that the hitch-hiker seems to fear and all of them are attacked and dragged off unconcious into the woods. When they wake they hear the cry of a horn and they realise that they are being hunted down by unseen hunters.



Now I know what you are thinking......."Dude I've seen that movie a million times before!" and yes, you are right you have. But Manhunt totally acknowledges it references....Texas chainsaw massacre, Just before Dawn, Turkey Shoot and it even starts with the opening song to Last House on the Left. The movie has an unashamed 70's vibe to it, the way it is filmed, the characters, it's brutality.



And this dear reader is why I liked it. In all the dreg that hits the cinema it's great to see something that is such an affectionate nod to 70's slasher cinema. When it opens you are unsure of who is the main character and who will survive. Camilla's character has a huge turn around in it. From animal loving vergetarian with passive agressive abusive boyfriend to a John Rambo-esque final girl. The movie is good! Trust me. It's only 70 mins long but it feels longer in a good way.



The movie ends really well and it's kinda a brave ending. Not in an Eden Lake I want to kill myself ending but in a very it leaves the audience to decide what happens next. Also one of the best uses of music in a horror during a scene since House of 1000 corpses i.e nice song......nasty things on screen! Watch it......t'was good.

Fucking each over for a percentage

Aliens......26 years old and it still an amazing movie.

Nuff said really!

Tesco rocks!!!!!

I was in Tesco this week, doing my weekly shop after my salsa classes ("This show is called Goddess, it's ain't called Classes, take a hike!"). I was perusing the ailses buying the usual, mouthwash, chicken, stuff to make chilli, grow your own tomatoes kit blah blah blah.

Rather randomly, and I haste to add not in the toy ailse where it wouldn't have been strange. I found this! And if any of you know me you will my obsession with 2 ladies in my life. Kylie (sadly I do have a Kylie doll) and this lady.......




This doll rocks and needless to say I love supermarkets and their randomness. she now sits upon my fireplace, next to the Lo-Pan from Big trouble in little china doll I have. Pride of place for the 2 of them, wow they would make a weird couple!

Best Ebay Ever!!!!!!

Can I just point out what I managed to buy on ebay for £14



Yes, that is an original Friday the 13th Part 2 turkish full size poster, and Yes Amy Steel will be rocking it in my living room in her framed glory soon. Cannot wait!

God's day! If your God was Cropsy like mine is...

Sometimes the weirdest movie scenes come into your head when your walking into work at 7am on a sunday!!!!!



Does that make me strange??

"......and a happy New Year!!!!!!"

Watched Martyrs last night after managing to avoid all the fuss and controversy about the movie. I knew it was meant to be brutal and violent, but I managed to avoid plot details, images etc as i know when a film can be built up that when you eventually see it (ala Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door) it can be very disapointing. More so that I see for the dvd release in the UK at the end of the month it bore the obligitory review comparing it to Saw. "Makes Saw look like Seseme Street" I believe it said. Hmmmmmm "Comparing things to Saw and Hostel constantly looks like lazy journalism"



I purchased my Region 1 Unrated version this week, had my dinner last night and sat down with an open mind, though to be fair when a dvd starts with the director introducing the movie and apologising for what you are about to see it does worry me. So off it started and I'll have to admit an hour and a half down the line I was pretty speechless.



I'll give a basic plot summary. The film starts with Lucie as a child running free from some kind of warehouse. She is bloody, cut, thin. She is taken to a home for abused children where she meets Anna and Anna quickly becomes her protector. Lucie tells Anna what happened to her, that she was abducted, bound, tortured, starved and beaten on a daily basis for an unknown amount of time. By various people but with no sexual abuse. At night in the home Lucie sees this unknown female figure that is attacking her, mutilating her limbs. 15 years later and Lucie thinks she has found the people that tortured her and arrives on their door step with a shotgun and is intent on revenge and answers. But as Lucie and Anna are about to find out maybe the answers to all of their questions are something they could have never imagined or wanted to know.



Now to be fair that plot summary only actually describes like the first 30 minutes of the movie, I don't want to go any futher into it as it would ruin it. The movie is almost split into 3 sections, which works really well for it. All the actors are amazing in it, and have 100% commitment to what must have been a hard movie to film. The pace never rests and it one of those movies if you don't know much about it then you find yourself getting really into the plot because you want to know what is going on. It's very well directed by Pascal Laugier (who will be doing the Hellraiser remake).

Now the film is violent, don't get me wrong. It has some not nice moments. And I know alot of the assholes out there will rent this movie because it supposed to be really violent and controversial and the French tried to ban it. I think the French tried to ban it and the reason it's controversial isn't because of the violence, it's because of the subject matter. When you realise what this film is trying to say or even point out, it's a pretty loaded gun of a message. And that's what makes it a brave and thought provoking film. Infact I would even say it's a horror, yes horrific things happen, but I don't think it can be labelled that easily.

And what with the French!!!! When did they get so violent? I remeber seeing Switchblade Romance thinking they couldn't top that. Then Inside came out (which is more relentlessly violent than Martyrs) and I was like "what the fuckington fuck!" and now this!!!!! I can't believe it not all baggettes and croissants!


I yearn for these days! Trailer below!

HORROR MATH 101, Laurie Strode + Ellen Ripley = Jannicke

Okay just watched Fritt Vilt 2 (Cold Prey 2: Resurrection) and I have to admit I was pretty blown away with how amazing it was.

I really liked the first one alot (if you haven't seen I recommend), who knew Norway could do slashers? And by the time I saw the first one the sequel had already gone into production taking place right after the first.



As this one starts Jannicke is discovered where we left her at the end of the first one, bloodied, holding a pick axe on a snowy mountain in Norway. She is quickly brought to the nearest hospital (which is on the verge of closing down, so has minimal staff and patients), Jannicke's tells the police what happened (I won't spoil the first one) and they bring her friends and the killer Geir Olav Brath's bodies to the morgue and before you can even cough the words "Halloween 2" aloud Geir Olav Brath is back up and running like Michael Myers sporting a Han Solo on the planet Hoth look. Killing the remaining staff, patients and police to get to Jannicke.



Sounds pretty basic huh? Well it is but its fucking brilliant. 50 mins of the movie are devoted to character build up and for once we do care! (America take note) It's amazingly filmed, the tension build up is intense and the scares are not jump/stingers they are long built up and tense.

Jannicke is right up there with one of the best final girls ever, she goes from Laurie Strode catatonic (one of the films many Halloween 2 references) to Ellen Ripley get away from her you bitchness. I heart her and the Lesbians are gonna love this lady she kicks Norwegian ass.



Fritt Vilt (COLD PREY)



Fritt Vilt 2 (COLD PREY 2: RESURRECTION)

"I killed him!.....then I pissed myself with excitement"

Okay before anyone starts........I like Rob Zombie's Halloween. It wasn't trying to be anything great, it just what it was. A gritty horror. It was Halloween without all the supernatural stuff in it. Now H2 on the other hand is pant's wettingly, jaw dropping about to create a whole new element to the Halloween story, and I for one cannot wait until it is released cause my friends, that trailer looks bad-ass.
Now haters before you start, Halloween (the JC version) is one of my favourite movies...ever and nothing can perfect that movie. But you know the RZ version was flawed, but hey, what Halloween sequel hasn't been?
Nuff said!



See what I mean!!!!!!!

"Don't fuck with the fish from hell!".......

Basically to me the descision making process about movies can go 3 ways.

1: Talented people coming together and making bad descisions at every availible chance.
cough...Showgirls...cough

2: Why the hell was this even funded? I have had more creative bowl movements.
cough...Uwe Boll's career...cough

3: Amazing skilled directors making every availible correct descision making a movie
awesome before it is even made.

Alas Piranha 3D is fitting into the 3rd category. Alexandre Aja (I have erased all memory of Mirrors) has the golden horror touch (Switchblade Romance, The Hills Have Eyes, P2) so him remaking one of my favourite movies went down well, I saw The Hills Have Eyes....it rocked. Making Piranha in 3D.....even better. Making it a hard R rated movie.....aces.

So they didn't have to do anything else cool...I was already on board with a Homer style Piranha flag being waved.

Then this happened....



They cast Chris Parker from Adventures in Babysitting in the fucking lead. This is not even sliced bread, this is Jesus making a loaf into a fish kinda descision. Man I love Elizabeth Shue (Hollow Man HELLO!!!!!!). She is gonna be the chola in this movie. I cannot wait. I actually remember the video store I used to rent my movies out finding out it was my 11th birthday and actually giving me their copy of Adventures in Babysitting cause I rented it out so many times.

I wonder if the Piranha will swim at her in once scene and she'll be like

"Don't fuck with the babysitter!"

P.S When I said about Showgirls "talented people coming together" I clearly didn't mean Elizabeth Berkley...you got that right? Staring and kicking, that's all I'm gonna say.

Yeah or Meah!

All the voices are saying

"but Christopher, you liked the first one alot and the second one wasn't as bad as you thought"

Then another voice says

"Never forget The Hills Have Eyes Part 2...both of them!!!!"

And I feel I have been pre-warned.

Baited breath people........baited breath

Can't believe I haven't posted this yet.......

Excited....................check

Pant's wet.................check

Danielle fucking Harris....check

My bitter-sweet friend

Oh how I suck from your white sugar free teet.

In all seriousness though I have had 3 cans of this today and I know I have not had alcohol in 4 and a half months, but I feel wasted with the caffeine. Hyper does not describe it. I cannot type fast enough right now. I have just blurted out all my concerns to my new boss like a mad fool. Oh well................"Party like a Rockstar" indeed. I'am one can away from fucking Heather Locklear

Dyna....ste...nastie......nasty

Ok,

Maybe I shouldn't have had that rockstar. I have decided over the weekend to start watching Dynasty from the start and thinking about it now, Fallon kinda rocked. She is like a pre-Alexis Alexis at the start. And she was really pretty (The Pamela Sue Martin years not the Emma Samms years!)

And as good as season one of Dynasty is...........we are all waiting for the last episode to see the entrance of a certain veiled character to usher us into the glory years that was Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter. Those were good years. I want to time line my life post-Alexis and pre-Alexis.

Pre-Alexis = being born
Post-Alexis = everything that fucking ever rocked

"Susan Jeremy ah Jeremy Susan"

Hello,

Yay! It's my first ever post. I now realise I kind of have to say things to fill up these spaces. Man this seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway I would like to say that this blog will be about horror movies, and it will (pinky promise).

But I'am aware that my mind does wander and is filled with stuff. But hey ho, that's all the fun in this journey right............and speaking of which weren't Journey such a cool band????

So it Monday and I was working all weekend which was poo but I did manage to spend it watching 2 of the most camp horror movies ever, well maybe 1 and a half as i don't think the second one wanted to be a horror movie but it kinda was.

First up on saturday night was a personal favourite X-Ray (aka Hospital Massacre) (1982).

Man I love this movie.......it is Slumber Party Massacre/Showgirls bad/good. From the thread-bare plot to the "acting" to the sets. Plot wise we start at Susan's House (like The Eels song) 1961. Her house looks like Hallmark had vomited all over it, literally covered in paper cut out hearts. So it doesn't take Jessica Fletcher to figure out that it's valentines day. Young Susan Jeremy (Jeremy Susan) and male friend are playing with her train set (such a cock tease!) and are being watched through the window by another young boy. The young boy outside leaves a valentines for Susan (who clearly she and her trainset get around) on her doorstep. Susan discovers this and proceeds to rip up the valentine and joke with her friend that it from Harold, meanwhile Harold is watching at the window with quite an angry expression on his face.

Susan leaves all the trainset fun to go and cut some cake (with a machete style knife!!!!!! No really!!!!) and I swear she cuts it like she was cutting Maw Vorhees' head off. Anyway she goes back to the trainset to discover her male friend has been impaled and hanging from a coat stand (WTF!!!) with Harold staring in looking menacing.

Cut to 19 years later (not 20, not 15) and Susan (now looking NOTHING like she did as child) is on her way to the hospital to get some test results. But uh-oh it valentines day and it looks like Harold has been holding a 19 year grudge. Harold is now dressed as a surgeon and is doctoring Susan's results to keep her in hospital so he can get to her.

And he is killing anyone who seems to come in contact with her.

This film is crazy. From Susan's overacting (God bless you Barbi Benton!) to the fact that anyone who is male is a suspect. To the fact that no-one tells Susan what they think is wrong with her (killer has changed her x-ray's around) but insist on keeping her in and strapping her to her bed, and Susan's random just smoking in the hospital.

Basically the movie is an excuse to look at Playmate's Benton breasts, but if you look past that it is a hot camp mess. From the tranny looking nurses, to the bad camera work and the Omen style music. I hearted it and I kind heart Susan and Bambi Benton.



As for my other camp horror moment...more about that later! I'm off for a Rockstar.