officially shit

okay I'am shit but I promise and update this week. What with redundancy, new job, keeping fit and life it all got in the way........but promises, promises (ala Lady Gaga) I will return!!!!!!

Putting the the in THE

Hmmmm not sure. Hated the first one, liked the second, LOVED the third....Maybe I'll adore this one. Escalator death ride does look fun though!

Fucking each over for a percentage

Aliens......26 years old and it still an amazing movie.

Nuff said really!

God's day! If your God was Cropsy like mine is...

Sometimes the weirdest movie scenes come into your head when your walking into work at 7am on a sunday!!!!!



Does that make me strange??

"Don't fuck with the fish from hell!".......

Basically to me the descision making process about movies can go 3 ways.

1: Talented people coming together and making bad descisions at every availible chance.
cough...Showgirls...cough

2: Why the hell was this even funded? I have had more creative bowl movements.
cough...Uwe Boll's career...cough

3: Amazing skilled directors making every availible correct descision making a movie
awesome before it is even made.

Alas Piranha 3D is fitting into the 3rd category. Alexandre Aja (I have erased all memory of Mirrors) has the golden horror touch (Switchblade Romance, The Hills Have Eyes, P2) so him remaking one of my favourite movies went down well, I saw The Hills Have Eyes....it rocked. Making Piranha in 3D.....even better. Making it a hard R rated movie.....aces.

So they didn't have to do anything else cool...I was already on board with a Homer style Piranha flag being waved.

Then this happened....



They cast Chris Parker from Adventures in Babysitting in the fucking lead. This is not even sliced bread, this is Jesus making a loaf into a fish kinda descision. Man I love Elizabeth Shue (Hollow Man HELLO!!!!!!). She is gonna be the chola in this movie. I cannot wait. I actually remember the video store I used to rent my movies out finding out it was my 11th birthday and actually giving me their copy of Adventures in Babysitting cause I rented it out so many times.

I wonder if the Piranha will swim at her in once scene and she'll be like

"Don't fuck with the babysitter!"

P.S When I said about Showgirls "talented people coming together" I clearly didn't mean Elizabeth Berkley...you got that right? Staring and kicking, that's all I'm gonna say.

My bitter-sweet friend

Oh how I suck from your white sugar free teet.

In all seriousness though I have had 3 cans of this today and I know I have not had alcohol in 4 and a half months, but I feel wasted with the caffeine. Hyper does not describe it. I cannot type fast enough right now. I have just blurted out all my concerns to my new boss like a mad fool. Oh well................"Party like a Rockstar" indeed. I'am one can away from fucking Heather Locklear

"Susan Jeremy ah Jeremy Susan"

Hello,

Yay! It's my first ever post. I now realise I kind of have to say things to fill up these spaces. Man this seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway I would like to say that this blog will be about horror movies, and it will (pinky promise).

But I'am aware that my mind does wander and is filled with stuff. But hey ho, that's all the fun in this journey right............and speaking of which weren't Journey such a cool band????

So it Monday and I was working all weekend which was poo but I did manage to spend it watching 2 of the most camp horror movies ever, well maybe 1 and a half as i don't think the second one wanted to be a horror movie but it kinda was.

First up on saturday night was a personal favourite X-Ray (aka Hospital Massacre) (1982).

Man I love this movie.......it is Slumber Party Massacre/Showgirls bad/good. From the thread-bare plot to the "acting" to the sets. Plot wise we start at Susan's House (like The Eels song) 1961. Her house looks like Hallmark had vomited all over it, literally covered in paper cut out hearts. So it doesn't take Jessica Fletcher to figure out that it's valentines day. Young Susan Jeremy (Jeremy Susan) and male friend are playing with her train set (such a cock tease!) and are being watched through the window by another young boy. The young boy outside leaves a valentines for Susan (who clearly she and her trainset get around) on her doorstep. Susan discovers this and proceeds to rip up the valentine and joke with her friend that it from Harold, meanwhile Harold is watching at the window with quite an angry expression on his face.

Susan leaves all the trainset fun to go and cut some cake (with a machete style knife!!!!!! No really!!!!) and I swear she cuts it like she was cutting Maw Vorhees' head off. Anyway she goes back to the trainset to discover her male friend has been impaled and hanging from a coat stand (WTF!!!) with Harold staring in looking menacing.

Cut to 19 years later (not 20, not 15) and Susan (now looking NOTHING like she did as child) is on her way to the hospital to get some test results. But uh-oh it valentines day and it looks like Harold has been holding a 19 year grudge. Harold is now dressed as a surgeon and is doctoring Susan's results to keep her in hospital so he can get to her.

And he is killing anyone who seems to come in contact with her.

This film is crazy. From Susan's overacting (God bless you Barbi Benton!) to the fact that anyone who is male is a suspect. To the fact that no-one tells Susan what they think is wrong with her (killer has changed her x-ray's around) but insist on keeping her in and strapping her to her bed, and Susan's random just smoking in the hospital.

Basically the movie is an excuse to look at Playmate's Benton breasts, but if you look past that it is a hot camp mess. From the tranny looking nurses, to the bad camera work and the Omen style music. I hearted it and I kind heart Susan and Bambi Benton.



As for my other camp horror moment...more about that later! I'm off for a Rockstar.